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  #1  
Old 31-05-2006, 11:46 PM
la bamba la bamba is offline
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Default Are parents aware that children suffer when the live with grandparents?

There are many cases where parents have left their children behind in Bolehland whilst they have ventured abroad to seek better opportunities Its happening here and in China as well ! What are your feelings on this issue? Do you think it is worth it leaving your kids behind?



Don't leave kids behind
(China Daily)
Updated: 2006-05-30 06:24

Parental care is vital to ensure a child's healthy development. Children who do not stay with their parents tend to develop unhealthy tendencies both in their behaviour and personality.
Many rural children suffer from this fate, being left at home with relatives while their parents work in urban areas.
The National Bureau of Statistics says there are more than 10 million of these children throughout the country.
A recent survey of these children in 16 townships in Central China's Hunan Province has found that 52 per cent do not want to continue their studies after graduation from junior high school.
One-third say they have given up on their studies, while more than 68 per cent complain that no one helps them with homework.
Teachers say students with absentee parents usually perform badly in their studies.
The survey also found that 57 per cent of surveyed students have psychological problems, with 9 per cent suffering serious problems. The longer their parents are away, the more serious their psychological problems are.
If they have good teachers or friends with whom they can discuss whatever problems they have, their situation can be much improved. But in those normally poor areas, these children are hardly likely to have high-quality teachers, who can anticipate what their students are thinking about or be able to communicate with them.
These children are also badly hurt by a feeling that they are different from children whose parents remain at home.
If their grandparents or relatives do not realize that they need special care, the consequences can be disastrous.
It is quite easy for them to feel lonely and depressed. They have difficulty communicating with others and cannot acquire the abilities they should have obtained at their age. When a serious flood hit a township in Hunan last year, 11 of the 12 children killed were from such families.
Then why did their parents not take them?
A lack of money has prevented many parents from doing so because they themselves have to live in very poor accommodation. Even if they could, they would find it difficult to afford the fees for their children to attend urban schools.
In addition, many are on the move from one place to another. It would be very difficult and impossible for them to take their children with them.
Furthermore, most are working excessive hours, striving to make more money and save some to send back to their rural homes. They can hardly be expected to spare any time to take care of their children.
It is unrealistic to expect that rural migrant workers' conditions can be changed overnight. But something can be done to help their children left behind in rural areas.
Starting from this week, 1,000 schools will be established to train the grandparents or relatives who take care of these children.
This training will help contribute to the healthy development of these children.





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  #2  
Old 31-05-2006, 11:56 PM
kanden kanden is offline
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actually the case in Msia is more like

grandparents vs maid/childcare

in the above, i'd vote for grandparents anytime, anyday man. after all, they brought me up fine & well
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Last edited by kanden : 01-06-2006 at 12:00 AM.
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Old 01-06-2006, 12:47 AM
Kinta Wallah Kinta Wallah is offline
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The report, I believe, talked about extended absence of the parents. Not just leaving children only for the day. Sure, doting grand parents can make a big, positive difference but nothing nourishes like the love and attention of parents.

Of course, most parents would not choose to leave their children to the care of others, if they could help it. But, when they do, there is a price to pay, as the report shows.
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Old 01-06-2006, 01:16 AM
la bamba la bamba is offline
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There are many parents who leave their children in the care of grand parents, not for a day but 3 to 6 years, at a stretch! My neighbour left his kids to their grandparents whilst they work illegally in the U.S. The daugher has dropped out of school without completing Form 3, dress like some trollop and goes out late at night! The son does not study most of the time as no one supervises him. The grandparents are not in good health. I am sure he will drop out of school too in due course! Is it worth all that effort to work abroad when the next generation is not nurtured and left to their own means to grow up?
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Old 01-06-2006, 02:00 AM
Kinta Wallah Kinta Wallah is offline
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You probably would have read of absent parents over-providing their children with money and material comforts. Some of these kids with expensive cars end up street-racing in places like Vancouver with tragic results not just for themselves but for innocent bystanders. I read in the international news just 2 days ago of a couple out for their 17th wedding anniversary in Toronto who were killed because 2 such kids decided to race at twice the normal speed on a busy street. One of these young men is lying in hospital and the other one is said to be very remorseful for what had happened. But what good does that do for a little 7-year girl who is now an orphan?
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Old 01-06-2006, 02:13 AM
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IMHO, no one could and should take over the parenting task. Even when the grandparents do an excellent job, the bond is formed between the grandchildren and the grandparents, not between the parents and their own children. Personally, I don't want to be deprived of that relationship.
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Old 01-06-2006, 10:52 AM
la bamba la bamba is offline
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Back to this neighbour of mine, the old folks are from a different generation ! They have three mentally retarded children of their own who are already in their thirties!

They look like they are in the early seventies. Now they have to look after 2
grand children, a grand daughter and a grand son. The grandson is very naughty and gets caned for indiscipline. He runs away and hides in some empty stall or shack until the next morning whilst the old grand parents go looking for him. The parents and aunty ran off to work illegally in Manhattan. I believe the father is working as a taxi driver somewhere in New York.

So much sacrifices for a better life! It must be happening in Ipoh as well!
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Old 01-06-2006, 11:13 AM
Kinta Wallah Kinta Wallah is offline
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One of the saddest things happening to our people is that so many feel compelled to go to far-flung corners of the world to make a living. Ipoh is a shadow of what it was. No tin industry. No significant rubber plantations anymore. The few industrial enterprises here and there do not offer much employment. Our political leaders and economic planners do not create the conditions for locals or foreigners to invest in a big way long-term.

The consequence of children growing up without parental guidance are not the pain of the family alone. As a community, we will all pay as the children grow up to be less than the productive citizens they could have been.
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Old 01-06-2006, 11:28 AM
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and worse, these children bereft of parental love and guidnace might end up at the wrong side of community - the crooked ones
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Old 01-06-2006, 12:36 PM
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It's sad to see parent leaving their kids to work else where, when there's many opportunity to spend more time with the kids....
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