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ipohan 29-11-2004 11:16 PM

Harold and Petsy were invited to a costume party. Susan went out and rented costumes for the both of them. However, when the time came for the party, Susan wasn't feeling well and Sam went on alone. A few hours later, Susan began to feel better and decided to go on to the party. She realized that while she knew Sam was in a gorilla suit, he had never seen her costume, and decided to go and see what he got up to while he was alone. She arrived and observed him dancing closely with a series of beautiful women. She approached him and began flirting, and soon they were taking a walk in the woods alone. They then undressed in the darkness and had sex. She got home before her husband and when he arrived, she was in bed. She asked him, 'How was the party?'. He replied 'Oh, the usual - you know I never have much fun at these things alone.' 'Didn't you even dance?', she asked. 'No, I sat in the den all night playing cards. The guy I loaned my costume to had a ball, though...'

ipohan 29-11-2004 11:27 PM

A Texan farmer goes to Australia on vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice that size!"

They walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately replies, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."

The conversation has died down a little when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks the Aussie, "What are those?"

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

ipohan 30-11-2004 10:52 PM

Q: What do politicians and porn stars have in common?

A: They're both experts at changing positions in front of a camera.

ipohan 01-12-2004 09:55 PM

A boy and his father walk into a drug store.

They walk down the aisle that contains condoms. The little boy looks at them and asks his father, "Dad why do condoms come in packs of 3"

To which the father replies, "Those are for high school kids. 1 for Friday 1 for Saturday and 1 for Sunday"

Then the boy asks, "dad why do condoms come in packs of 6"

The father says, " Those are for college kids,2 for Friday 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday."

Then the boys asks, "Why do condoms come in packs of 12."

The father says, " Those are for married men. 1 for January, 1 for February one for March....."

ipohan 08-12-2004 11:05 PM

An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the theater." The guy goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his pants. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theater, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his pants so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the movie. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Myrtle and whispers, "Myrtle, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!" Myrtle whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all." Agnes says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my POPCORN!!"

ipohan 09-12-2004 11:10 PM


One day, an American was touring Spain. After his day's sightseeing, he stopped at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, " Ah senior, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's balls from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The American, though momentarily daunted, when he learned the origin of the dish said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senior. There is only one serving a day since there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to serve you this delicacy!" The next morning, the American returned, placed his order and was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, He called to the waiter and said, "These are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter promptly replied, "Si senior! Sometimes the bull wins!" [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[ 09.12.2004, 11:11 PM: Message edited by: ipohan ]

ipohan 11-12-2004 06:25 PM

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"

The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast." [img]tongue.gif[/img]

ipohan 12-12-2004 05:03 PM

During the noontime recreational activities the president of the corporation mounted the platform, accompanied by an overall-clad man off the assembly line, and made this speech:

"Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to see how American industry rewards those who are conscientious and hard-working. This man standing beside me has been with the company less than a year, during which time his unusual qualities have earned him salary increases in excess of one hundred dollars a week. I have watched him closely, observed with great pleasure the manner in which he has pitched in and gotten things done. Therefore, I am pleased to announce that starting this very afternoon he gets out of his work clothes, comes into the executive branch, and takes over an office with the title of Executive Vice President in Charge of Policy at an annual wage of eighty thousand dollars. Congratulations!"

The workman shook the extended hand and said, "Gee, thanks, Dad.

ipohan 14-12-2004 11:13 PM

I'd much rather work in New York than in Los Angeles. For a start, you get paid three hours earlier. :D

ipohan 14-12-2004 11:18 PM

NBC said that after she gets out prison, Martha Stewart will star in a new show where she will interact with guests in the studio audience.

Experts say the show may not do so well because women who like to get verbally abused while they learn new recipes usually just go to visit their mothers-in-law. :cool:

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