As you may have heard, the Bush Administration said each of us would get a rebate check to stimulate the economy.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If we purchase a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan.
If we purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan.
None of it will help the American economy.
We need to keep that money here in America. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it at yard sales, since those are the only businesses still in the US. :rolleyes:
We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car that will take 5 years to pay off.
We demand speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.
We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but mumble through half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner."
We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.
We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.
We run from morning to night trying to keep our "earning power" up with our "yearning power."
We get upset we're spending over a billion dollars for education, but spend three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.
In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.
We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.
We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.
We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.
Getting old can be fun. Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all they time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Pls excuse me if these jokes has appeared already:
Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want, and their kids pay for it. :( :( :(
A man appears before a judge with his lawyer, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."
"Because," the lawyer says, " my client lives in a two-story house."
The judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"
The lawyer answers, "Well Your Honor, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'" :eek: :eek: :eek:
Subject: FW: A PIECE OF ADVICE WHILE FLYING
After a month-long holiday in the US, my wife and I finally boarded the plane in San Francisco last Sunday heading home.
As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switchedoff, a 6 ft 3' black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and yelled, 'HIJACK!'
Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen and two stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him when another voice answered from the back of the plane:
'OH, HI JOHN!'
America has the highest standard of living in the world. It's just a pity we can't afford it. :eek: :eek: :eek:
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